By Eli Clare, 2008
Eli Clare shares a poetic speech about community, disability, transness, and inclusiveness. “I come to this gathering thinking about shame–that chasm of loathing lodged in our bodies, a seemingly impenetrable fog, an unspeakable and unspoken fist. Shame all too often becomes our home. This is what I want to talk about, even though it’s one of those topics that makes us restless, uncomfortable, off balance.”
Yes! How to release shame? I’m hyper aware of my ass and curves that have been praised. In college, I conformed to what my friends said would help me “feel better.” The attention left a fleeting connection to love. Now, I reflect on those moments where I didn’t feel heard or understood. For fear of confrontation, I let it go…but I really didn’t. Anger and rage has built up over the past 15 years. I don’t want to punish this body, but I hate it. I want to believe that acceptance gets easier and that we’ll find ways to feel more affirmed. In the meantime, I’m lost and confused, but loving on this trans body because we are REAL.